As busy parents, I realised we were caught up in the machine of life. I realised that we don’t actually talk to our kids. I realised that I wanted to know their stories and their opinions. I want to understand their passions and their worries. And I want to allow them to step up to the ‘responsibility plate’ instead of brushing them aside in the mad rush of ‘getting it done’.
With this in mind, I contemplated taking our seven-year-old son, Gabe, with me on a business trip to Durban for some one-on-one time. Of course, I did question whether he would behave in front of my client. Would he be hungry every five minutes? Would he whine to go to the beach when I needed to concentrate? Probably! But what if I roped him in and made it ‘our’ business trip to Durban? What if I gave him responsibility and made us a team? So, I booked two flights to Durban!
Check-in
On arrival at the airport, Gabe was responsible for his own luggage. He checked it in himself and was handed his boarding pass, which he guarded with his life because ‘no pass, no fly!’. As we went through the airport process, I explained what the metal detectors were for and let him look at the brochure that outlines all the things you cannot take on board. I knew he was getting the hang of it when he pointed out to security that I had tweezers in my make-up bag and a lighter in my pocket (reminder to self: buy new lighter and tweezers).
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He can be responsible for his own things
- He takes security seriously
- He can’t keep his mouth shut
The flight
On the flight, with my phone off and the plane hitting cruising altitude, Gabe had my full attention. He made up a game, Animal Clouds. He also constantly developed new rules to sway the game his way. We argued (playfully), we laughed, me at his audacity and him at his own wit, and ultimately, he got me to follow his amended rules, and he won Animal Clouds by six points to two.
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He is creative
- He is competitive
- He can craft a compelling argument (it does not need to make sense)
- He is convincing
Car hire
I rented a car. I asked the rental agent to give Gabe the paperwork and explained that he needed to check the car against the paperwork for corresponding scratches and dents. “Whatever is not on the paper goes on our bill!” He inspected the car alongside the agent; it was a very long and laborious process for both the agent (and me), but there was no scratch left unturned!
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- Responsibility empowered him
- Gabe was thorough and detail-orientated
The drive
As we drove the coastline towards our destination, I turned the car radio off, and Gabe and I just chatted. He told me all about his mate Jethro, about Mrs. Kruger and the incident with the missing eraser. I told him all about King Shaka from Durban, the Battle of Blood River (Standard 5 History recollection). He looked at the Durban hills and passing rivers and asked if I thought King Shaka had walked there.
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He is chatty and filled with happy stories
- He can absorb information and retell it in detail
- He has a great imagination
- History excites him
Work
My business trip consisted of setting up for an event at a track. I met with the client and introduced Gabe. I prayed for politeness (I'm never quite sure what will come out of his mouth). I nearly collapsed with pride when he extended his hand to greet the client with a fist-pump (Covid-19 rules) and then proceeded to have a full-on conversation about the cars and the track, and Mrs. Kruger!
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He is confident
- He is well-mannered
- He is highly social
- He is intuitive – he understood that this was important to me, and he played the game
The incident
As predicted, Gabe constantly whined about me taking him to the beach. I eventually got a chance to do so, and we found a tidal pool. The tide was quite high, and I was worried about the waves, but Gabe (7) convinced me it would be fine. So, we jumped right in. We held on to the wall to try to beat the force of each wave until a freak mega-wave crashed into the pool and washed both Gabe and me completely out and over sharp rocks, eventually spitting us out on the beach, all tattered and torn. Note to self: stop listening to Gabe!
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He is compassionate and kind. (When I apologised to him and said I was a bad mom, he put his arms around me and said, “You are the best mom!”)
- He keeps secrets – that’s good, and that’s bad! (When I told him not to tell his father, he looked at me with a cheeky twinkle in his eye and said, “My lips are sealed.”)
Midnight snacks
We were feeling a little “scratched-up”, so we decided not to eat out but to go to Woolies and get some supplies and stay in. I allowed him to select the snacks – whatever he wanted. I gave him a budget, and he selected, calculated, and paid (another long process). When we got back to the room, he unpacked and prepared the snacks, all on his own.
Things I learned about Gabe at this point:
- He is capable
- He is willing to try new things (even if peanut butter and Bovril turned out not to be a mix)!
- He is considerate. (Camembert is not his favourite, but he knows it’s mine, so salty Crax and Camembert was what he served.)
Overall, the work trip was highly successful. Not only was the client happy, but I was more than happy to have had the chance to spend quality one-on-one time with Gabe. I learned so much about my little boy in one weekend, and our bond is stronger than ever. I can honestly say in this 'Makro-at-Christmas’ family, I found my child.
Another simple one-on-one idea: Number night!
Every month, on your child’s birth date, they get to have a "date night" with you. This means that every month, each child will get one night that is just theirs. It is special because it’s their night with you, with no one else around. Do something fun, out of the ordinary, and focus 100% of your attention on that child.
The child picks the activity. Here are some ideas…
- Play a board game
- Read a book together
- Go on a walk or a bike ride
- Do a science experiment
- Build a fort
- Bake
